can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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