cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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