I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
