Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
