Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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