At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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