I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
