im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
