Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
