the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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