You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
