remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
