I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
