im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
