Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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