after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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