he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
