bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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