It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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