I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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