How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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