I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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