You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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