He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Randomize
