did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
