2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
