Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
