I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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