took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
my poor anus
I have aggressive nipples.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
