The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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