Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
