So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
