Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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