you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
