So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
