OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He passed out mid-signature
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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