make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i came on her dog
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
