so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
