margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
