I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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