Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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