Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
