I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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