the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
