Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
