He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
