the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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