i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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