I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
