I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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