You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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