I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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