She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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