it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i believe in u and ur pee
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
