Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
