dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
