I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
